I seem to be feeling better today. Better than I have in a few weeks. The task at hand is much clearer to me today. For now, my task is to welcome each day as a widower in grief. Not in the way of morbid depression, but in a way to honor my wife and my marriage. I am not single, far from it. While I was married it was easy to resist temptation, I was in love with my wife and I enjoyed the benefits of each and every day. My mind and body are in a tail-spin since Carol’s death. Nothing is there to protect me from myself. So I have come to the conclusion that if I think of myself as still married I can get through the weak moments. I certainly have plenty of experience to draw upon to help me. However, I’m not fouling myself either.
For me, today, I think of myself as a widower in grief. I wan to give myself a year to honor my process to heal and focus on the things that are important today.
Can I keep this commitment? Am I setting myself up for failure? Is this unreasonable?
Karma Is Trying to Help
10 years ago
1 comment:
Kelly,
I'd say you've had a major ephiphany * * * * * *
Indeed, you are a widower in grief (as opposed to a "single" person), just as Cousin Merle noted in a previous blog comment awhile back. There's so much to be honored in widowerhood (and so very much to be learned). A year's time sounds very reasonable to begin to absorb it all and move through your days. The author, Joan Didion, writes of just that timeframe in "The Year of Magical Thinking", following the unexpected death of her husband. I know I've mentioned this book to you before, and want to take this moment to recommend it to you once again. See if you can't check it out from your local library, or purchase it from your friendly bookseller. I think you'd find many of your own thoughts and feelings articulated throughout its pages, and might find some further clarity as a result.
I'm so glad you're feeling some better today,
Kim
Post a Comment