Starting last Sunday this has been a very hard week. With depression on Sunday into Monday, packing up all of Carol’s things, the anniversary of Carol’s near death experience, and a few other things I can’t blog about, I’m surprised I survived it at all. I’m at work right now. I’m feeling like I’m in shock or a numbing shock. The pain is still here but not as intense as yesterday. I’m trying to get used to it. I have this thought that it might be like this for awhile. People live with chronic pain all the time, why should this be any different?
I keep trying to think my way out of this. If only I look at it like “this” or like “that” I’ll change the way I feel. Its work before but this last week it has felt like a band aid on a sucking chest wound. I don’t know. I wish I had enough money to take a few months off and heal some more. But I don’t and work would be pissed if I did and I might loss my job. So I have to gut it out.
Karma Is Trying to Help
11 years ago
1 comment:
Kelly,
Grieving is such a universal, and yet very individual, process -- I hope I didn't hurt your feelings, sharing about our friend's method of dealing with his grief. He is truly fortunate (and would be the first to acknowlege so) that he has the resources and the available time to travel and commune with loved ones as he works through his grief. It would be wonderful if we could all go about it this way, but I know that most of us can't; so we have to move/slog (blog?) through this unknown territory "in the company of the usual days".
You're doing the very best you can where you are with what you have ... That's all any one of us can hope to do. Thank you for sharing your honest, heartwrenching thoughts and feelings. We are all learning together, through each day's ups and downs.
Love, Kim
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