Hope Part 1

Odd title. But really, with grief, one day offers a slight ray of hope, others the dark clouds of doom to be followed with another day of hope. On again, off again. Up and down. Keep your eye on the ball as Kelly tries to make it through this. Is he up or is he down? Happy or sad?

I couldn’t get up to work out on Monday. That was a bad thing. I think exercise is to depression what oxygen is to living. You simply need it. To go with out it very long is a one way ticket to doom. This morning I didn’t want to get up and go to the gym. But I made myself do it. I got there and was weak and tired. I haven’t been eating well or not at all. But once I started stretching and getting warmed up I was a little ready for my work out with Jack. At first it was hard but half-way through my strength started to come back and I felt stronger and had more energy. At the end I felt better.

On my way to work something happened. I felt a little hope. Not a lot but just a little. I have a close friend that says I need to stay focused and work on me. What does that mean exactly? If its work then that means I can do a lot, more often right? That’s what I’m used to doing at work, over achieving. But I don’t think you can over achieve at recovering from grief. I feel so frustrated that I am forced to wait the process out. What I think it means is I have to work on doing the things each day that I need to do. See, I’m alone now and have to learn to adjust to my life this way. Learn to pay the bills, manage my income and budget, take care of the house, eat healthy, go to work and stay focused on my job, take care of my spiritual health and be there to help my friends. It’s easy to get detracted and run from my loss. The work part is staying focused on the present.