It's almost 9:30pm. The pain has reduced to a low level ache. My arms hurt, stomach hurts, legs hurt. But I think I'm through the worst of it. I haven't had a drink in over 23 years. For the first time since Carol died, I thought about drinking. I don't because I saw what it did to my family and decided 23 years ago that I would not end up like they did. I am tired now. I don't know if I can sleep but I'm going to try. I have to work tomorrow and don't know what good I'll be but I'll try.
I am a good person. I did the right thing with Carol each and every day. I loved her every day knowing each day during the last year that she could die at any moment. I never held back, I never ran away. I am a good person.
Karma Is Trying to Help
10 years ago
2 comments:
Hi Kelly,
You are a good person, and you have been through hell for the last year with Carol and now without her. I suggest you step back from her journals now for a bit. After going through the closets and possessions and now the journals, you have let yourself become overwhelmed with your grief and thoughts of Carol, too much so all at once. Take a break for a few days. Let everyday matters take over for awhile. See if that doesn't help.
Cousin Merle
Dear Kelly,
I've just returned to your blog after a few days, and am so sorry that you're feeling so alone and hurt. You're in my thoughts and heart (and of many others, as well). Easy does it, one step at a time, one day at a time ... Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
We have an old friend visiting with us right now - He lost his wife in November to cancer, and he's channeling his grief through journaling and conversations while he drives all across the country and back; visiting with loved ones who knew his beloved Jody very well. So far, he's gone 9,000 miles, and his tears still flow; but his laughter is coming more and more frequently, too. I've told him about you and Carol -- He deeply understands what you're going through.
Thinking of you,
Love, Kim
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