When is….

…a year a year? I mean, is it 365 days, or the day of the week, or the numeric day of the month? Carol died on the 15^th of March 7, 2007. It was a Thursday. The one year mark is all messed up. Leap year has added a day making it 366 days. If I reflect on her death on Thursday next week, am I premature? If I reflect on Saturday is it too late or just not the same? Some of you may be thinking, “what dumb questions.” And you may be right. I don’t know why it is important to me. I will always think of Carol’s death as a Thursday. I will always remember Friday as my first day without her which was a day that seemed to never end.

As far as other things in my life go I’m doing much better today. Should I feel guilty that I think I did the right thing? I don’t know. I had to wait until dark to look for pee spots with a black light. I found them in the guest room. It wasn’t until I went into my bedroom that I was horrified to see the extent of what has been going on. I have no idea how long she had been having that problem but there is not a single square foot of my bedroom that does not have a pee spot. I am fortunate that it doesn’t smell but I still think I’m going to have to re-carpet the whole house. For whatever reason, her brain clicked into a mode that she thought it was just ok to do what she wanted to do. I know that if Carol was alive, she would not have tolerated this for very long. It would have devastated her to do what I had to do but I know Carol, she would have done it.

So I guess I’m doing ok today.

Kel