I hate this week. I just want to go somewhere and hide. I want to stop feeling like I feel. Every attempt to distract my thinking or try and do something else has successfully resulted in returning to my feelings of dread. I dread this week. It’s like a countdown to the one year mark.
I dreamed about Carol last night. It was an odd dream. In it, she was asleep in my bed. I was in shock at first but then for some reason I got the impression it was a year ago. In the dream I knew Carol was going to die in a few days but she did not know it. I was confused about what I should do, should I tell her, should I not? Evidentially I decided not to tell her and let her live the rest of the week as if nothing was going to happen.
Dreams are dumb…
1 comment:
Hi Kelly,
I know you've built up a very big and frightful feeling about March 15, 2008, the one-year anniversary of Carol's death. You've been dreading that date for a long time now and feeling as though you won't be able to handle your emotions on that day.
Well, let me tell you that you will. There isn't a doubt that you will be sad and nostalgic to think that you've lived through a year of days and weeks and months without her, but you have and have done it successfully and reasonably sanely, too.
Don't think for a minute you won't get through March 15, 2008. After all, you got through March 15, 2007, didn't you, the worst day of your life? That old saying, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger," has been around a long time for a reason: it's true. Didn't you find that out last year?
Cousin Merle
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