I don’t know the answers to these questions. What I don't want is to be stuck in a state of perpetual self-pity that spirals into depression. I’m sure there are people who have strong opinions and are willing to tell me what they think. I’m not really asking I’m just expressing my current state of mind. The recent event in my life has made me think a lot about my motives, needs, and wants and how easy it is for me to get caught up in things. The end results are always the same, pain. What I learned from this one is that some people bring into the next relation the good things they learned from the previous one. Some people bring the worst things into the next relationship form the previous one. Some people benefit from the goods things; others pay for the bad things.
Being selfish and self-centered, I like to think that I bring into my next relationship all the good things I learned and experienced from being with Carol.
That being said, I still have serious defects of character and short-comings that may make the next relationship hard at times. While I was with Carol, my defects of character and short-comings were not that big of a deal or hers with me. I guess it’s different when you are in love and live with someone who can die at any moment of any day. The things that piss you off about another person don’t seem that important to hold onto. You never think that you’re going to have to live with (insert defects of character and short-comings here) for the rest of your life with this person. You know your time together is limited and it is more important to enjoy life together.
This may have worked with Carol but I don’t think I’m going to get away with it in my next relationship. There are things about me I need to work on and improve. I’m not sure if I can do it while I’m single but not sure either if someone wants to put up with me while I work on them during a relationship.
I guess only time will tell.
3 comments:
I know you wanted no comments, but you Kelly Wayne, need some. 2 weeks ago you were seeing the light, but you put your light into another person. Is that wrong no its not. Its human nature. No one wants to be alone.
A sister gave me really good advise when Rick and I were having problems, I am going to share it with you.
Until you are truly happy with who you are, you cannot be happy with anyone else.
We all have flaws in our personality, where is it written we are to be perfect. What a joke.
I think your expectations of when your heart will heal are unrealistic. Time only heals the loss you have experienced. What is that time frame? Who can say. Its not like a dead line someone set for you. You and only you will know when its time, but no matter what happens you do become stronger, but you will never completely get over the loss, it just does not happen that way, and trust me I have had my share of loss.
Yet in my 50 years of living, I have learned some things. Friends and Family count. They are there for you to lean on and draw strenth from during times of need.
Kelly you are not a quitter, you are a survior. Sounds like a reality TV show, but its true. There is no magic pill you can take and make it all better. We live in a McDonalds kind of world, we want everthing NOW! Yet it does not work that way.
What I am saying here may sound harsh, and cold, but son you need to wake up and smell the coffee.
There is nothing you can't do, or become if you want to. There is the Key Words. If YOU want to.
Self Pity, ahh hate to tell you this but we all go thru that.
Your grandmother Ruth you never got to know, use to say to us girls. Sometimes the Merry Go Round goes so fast you just have to get off and watch it. Then you get your get your balance back and you jump back on it. This is what life is all about. Trust me when Grandma Ruth spoke you listened.
I love you Kelly as everyone of your family does, we are here for you, to hold your hand when its needed and to lift you up when needed, and sometimes to say it like it is.
You never were protrayed to me as the kind of guy who was weak, Carol always said my Kelly is the strongest, loving and caring man. How lucky I am to have him in my life.
Well that is the end of this comment. I think I have said my piece, you may hate me for it, but I am sorry, I felt you needed to hear it.
Aunt Jeri
"Blah blah blah blah blah." It really doesn't matter what I say. The truth is that only time and Grace is what really matters. Meanwhile, you live life as best you can which is what you're doing. Time and Grace, and some living in between. You are so loved.
Cambria
Does thus mean I gots to did a lottsa more fishin in Tanaris? Jest joshin brudda. "Do You Want to Know a Secret", "Act Naturally", it has gotten you this far. In time my friend, in time.
Brudda
Spawnie
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