Not a good day

I am fucking wreck. Just on my way to work my emotions would swing from complete peace and acceptance to sitting in fear and crying. Nothing I did or tried to do could or would stabilize my emotions. I hear what people are saying; That I'm doing good and that I have the strength to make it through this. That I lived through the day last year so I will do so again this year.

All of that is true. I will. But I just want to crawl into a whole somewhere and hide for a week. I just want to sit somewhere where my emotions can swing and bounce as they want to. I just want the pain and loss to go away. I just want to feel normal and at peace. I don't want to go through this. I don't want anything to do with this week. It is too painful.

But I will. I have no choice. I guess the saving grace is that I have the love and support of my family and friends. It would be a dark place indeed to be in if I were to have traveled this road alone. Thank you, everyone.