I'm taking my bike in for service today. I'm ashamed that I've had it a year and only put 1000 miles on it. It's a beautiful bike and is very nice to ride. Why I don't ride it more I don't know. On Sunday I plan to go on a long ride to San Diego and back. I might ride with a friend or two and someone said she would like to ride with me. That would be nice.
I hate depression. I mean, I really hate it. I'm exercising, talking with friends, and keeping busy. It still seems to seep it's way into my mind and soul. I was telling someone it's like watching the tide come in. Slowly, it creeps it's way up. Not like a rush or real fast, just a slow deliberate assault on the mind.
This year is not going quite as planed. I thought that I would be better, more positive and it would be easier to let go. That does not seem to be the case.
I'm going to try dating again. That is an odd thing dating. Someone explained to me that I'm like a guy who has lived in the wilderness for all my life and then suddenly dropped in the middle of New York City. I had a loving wonderful relationship with someone. Now I'm in the middle of an environment I am completely unaccustomed to. I'm lucky I have friends I can call and ask things to.
Anyway that's all for me today. I still don't know what to do with this blog. I have had people say I should keep writing. I don't know...
Kel
Karma Is Trying to Help
10 years ago
1 comment:
Okay Kelly you think you have problems, well you do. But just so you know you are not the only one. Hope this makes you LOL you need it.
Today was a lovely day. It wasn't too hot, wasn't too cold. There was a nice breeze. A pretty strong one, actually.
So, Audra and I decided to get out of the house today. At one point in out little outing, I had to cross 1960. It's like 7 lanes there or something. So there I am. In the middle. Standing, yes STANDING in the turning lane with my daughter in her stroller. Fearing for my life.
Remember that glorious weather I mentioned? It had me all inspired to get out my "spring" stuff so I was wearing this dress. Not like super short, but about knee legnth. You may be able to predict what happened next, although I never saw it coming. I actually thought God LIKED me. But no. Instead, with full on traffic wizzing by on either side of me and an extemely attentive audience ("when is this dumb lady gonna finish crossing the street???" ), my dress caught the wind. it twisted awkwardly around my hips until it BLEW UP AROUND MY WAIST. It actually stayed there for a moment spinning around my waist like a hula hoop. My immediate (and logical) reaction was to pull it down, but with it twisted so funkily around my waist, it didn't work quite as quickly as I planned.
This was my inner monologue:
Oh my god. OH MY GOD! Okay. Don't panic. maybe nobody saw. Oh my god, there are three cars lined up behind me to turn into that parking lot. They ALL saw. What underwear am I wearing? Oh sweet Jesus let them be cute ones. Oh my god, they're not cute ones. I may die right here. Dear Jesus, If you love me even a LITTLE bit please let the earth open up and swallow me whole. Please let me be dreaming. Am I dreaming? No, This isn't a dream. I'm actually awake and alive the earth hasn't swallowed me and everybody just saw my accidental peep show. (*cars honking behind me*) Oh crap - I can go. How long have i been standing here? (*more honking*) Crap - I still didn't go. I'm litterally FROZEN with embarrassment. Okay sara. Get it together. One two three GO.
I finished crossing the street and to my absolute horror, the car that was directly behind me (no pun intended) pulls into the parking lot and slows as he starts to get closer to me. I'm not in his way or anything. He could very easily just drive on past me, but apparently exposing your hindparts to the bulk of 1960 rushour traffic is not nearly enough mortification for one day. He wants to stop and talk about it. Um. NO. I can't bring myself to look at him. What do I do? What do I do? What do I do???? Look busy. Where's my cell phone? I instinctively call brad (my BIL in NY) thousands of miles away. I tell him what just happened.
He laughs at me.
No sympathy. No reassurement. Just Laughter.
I hate my life.
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