A good trip

How was Vegas? Simply wonderful. We got there at about 11pm and got all checked into the room. We got to stay on one of the top floors at the Mirage. I asked for a view of the strip but didn’t get one. It was still a great view especially at night. We went down and ate some food then walked around a bit. The next day we walked up the strip to the MGM checking out things as we went. I want to go back again and wanted to get a feel for what place to stay next. Played some craps at the MGM. Did ok at first but the table was kinda dead and ended up dropping $80. No energy or excitement. Later that night as we were waiting for the show we hung out at the craps table where we were staying. Now that is what you call energy. People were winning and have fun. But we had to go see the show so we just watched.

The show was amazing! We got to sit second row from the stage. I’ve seen shows like this before but it is completely different when you see it up close. Watching the show with the Beatles music was great. I got to sing (quietly to myself so know one could hear) and watch all the performers. Wow!

We got up the next day and had to come home. We gambled a little and only lost a little. Overall, I think we still came out ahead.

Kel

Las Vegas Part 2

Hey everyone! I’m going to Vegas again this weekend. I’m going to finally see The Beatles LOVE by Cirque du Soleil. My father was a hug Beatles fan and I grew up listening to them every Saturday as my dad would clean the house. He loved to turn it up real loud. I saw O in Vegas a few years ago as well as the Blue Man Group. So the idea of seeing both environments in the same show has always excited me. Of course, while I’m there I’ll have to play some more craps. I hope my luck will be better.

Some of you may be asking, “Is Kelly going alone?”

I’ll just say… no. (wink)

President's Day?

My roommate moved out on Sat. Again, he was a great kid and there wasn’t anything that I didn’t like. However, I can tell you when he moved out and I got up on Sat I had felt the happiest I have felt in a long long time. I couldn’t stop smiling. I'm glad I tried it, having a roommate. At lest I know now that I don’t want to do that. I like my home and I like living alone in my home.

I spent the weekend with friends and hung out with a bunch on Sunday. Saturday I took the time to get to know someone that I had always just been an acquaintance with but never really knew. We went out again last night. I’m looking forward to spending more time with her.

Hope all is well with everyone and happy President’s day?

One Step Back

I traveled back from Alabama yesterday. I worked in the morning and got on a plane in the afternoon to come home. For the most part, the day went fine. Seems that the same day it was Valentines day was also the 11 month day of Carol's death.

I got home and my roommate was not home. Unpacked and got ready for bed because I had to get up early to go into work. The cats where happy to see me. I turned off the lights, got into bed and it hit me.

Pain.

I cried myself to sleep.

Two steps forward, one step back...

Look Ahead

I'm coming up on the end of the 10th month. This Thursday will start the countdown for the final month before the one year anniversary of Carol's death. One year. Wow, it's hard to believe it's been this long. In one way it seems like just yesterday but in other ways it seems like years ago. Either way I no longer get paralyzed from the pain when I think about it.

I would like to plan to try and update my blog on a more regular basses as I come up to my one year. I want to share what I'm doing and how I am feeling as it gets closer. Afterwards, I'm not sure what to do. A part of me thinks that I should just let this go and move on. Let this blog die. Leave it as a record of what it was like for someone who loved as much as I loved to live through the first year. I want my life after the 15th of March to be more about me and my life ahead than living the the shadow of grief, loss and pain. I want to live with a smile. To have genuine joy in my life. I want to meet someone and hold their hand and feel good about it. I want to look at someone, smile and feel joy.

For some reason I feel that having a year behind me will allow me to do this. I have tired to move on recently but have been overwhelmed with guilt and fear. All very overwhelming and confusing. I recently had a moment of reflection about a friend I met after Carol died. I looked at him and realized he represents my future. He never knew Carol or me as a husband. He has only known me as Kelly. I look at him and I have found hope that I can go on and have a new life that is rich and full of new people who will not look at me with pity or sadness. Not that my friends do that but sometimes I project that even if they are not feeling that way.

I stop now so I will have more to write later. Take care everyone and thanks for being here for me through this difficult Journey.

Kel