No Show at Carol Died Camp. Call me names, wuss, coward, crazy, whatever. But when I pulled up and looked at where I would be spending the next three days I had this overwhelming feeling of "No F'n Way!" I don't know what I was expecting but I think it was going to be in a nicer place than this. Between spilling my guts out about the loss of my wife, I can go next door and have my palm's read! Or for quick service I can send a letter via a messenger service which are located on either side!
Is there something wrong with me? Am I stuck up? I just had this vision of shitty chairs and tables with a bad smell in the room. I kept thinking over and over again, "8:30am to 5:30pm for the next three days..." If it was a nicer place that made me feel safe and comfortable then maybe.
I'm sorry everyone, really I am.
4 comments:
Kelly,
There's no need to apologize ... Your grief needs to be channeled however YOU need it to be.
Wishing you unfolding peace,
Kim
Kelly,
You don't know me. My name is Amy Stephens and I had been chatting with Carol often through Cystic-L for the past 2 or 3 years. I live in Orange County and we had been planning on trying to meet for lunch sometime in April. I had connected her with my dear friend who is listed for a double lung transplant at USC and they had been encouraging each other. What a wonderful & caring spirit Carol has.
Anyway, I have been reading all of the posts but had been shy about posting a comment. After reading this last one, I felt I should at least say hello.
I can't say anything you don't already know. God did not give us a handbook on how to "appropriately" (I hate that word!) deal with grief. Only we can know, minute by minute how to steer that course and when to ask for help, etc. You have no need to apologize to ANYONE about how you are handling this part of your journey.
I find myself thinking about you often and am glad at least for your sake that you can journal your thoughts and feelings about all of this here on this blog.
And I just wanted you to know that there are probably a lot of people reading and following your journey, and they just don't know what to say.
And because I really like how the last person said it..
I am also wishing you unfolding peace.
Amy
i left the comment for this blog on your last one.
Hey Kel,
I can think of *much* better camps than this one. First of all, no camp should force you to drive in LA traffic during rush hour... and especially not for three days!
We're heading out to the north rim of the Grand Canyon in three weeks (give or take), followed by some time at Four Corners and possibly Hovenweep (Native American ruins). We have room if you'd care to join in.
I just came back from camping at Carlsbad State Beach with a friend and took some mighty fine photos, which you can check out on my page at deviantArt.com. Here's the addy: http://shancy.deviantart.com
Hugs and happiness to you,
Shan :+)
Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light.
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