MAINT REQD

I have this yellow glowing message on my dashboard on the Prius. "MAINT REQD" is what it says. What is means is that I need to take it in to have it serviced. It's a nice way to say "Hey dumb ass, time to change your oil." The dilemma is how do I find the time? I just started work again and spend about 10 hours a day at work. I could call and get a day for them to do service. I would arrange to drop it off after work. The next day I would ride the bike. Then pick it up after work. The problem is who would pick me up and take me home and then back to the dealers again? Carol used to take of this for me. She used to take care of a lot of things for me.

One of Carol's friends is coming over today. They want a bookcase that hey loaned us some time ago. She also said something about "other" stuff. So I'm not sure what to expect when they show up. Do I let them walk around pointing at things and say "that was mine" and take it? Do I really care? Yes I do but she was a very close and dear friend of Carols and I like her and her husband too. I'm just sharing.

I made the mistake of opening up Carol's closet the other day to show a friend. Wham! Right in the gut! Pow! And I'm down for the count! Guess I'm not ready for that yet. On Thursday I got a registration form for the CFRI conference in Aug. Carol and I went two years ago. We liked it and had registered to go last year. But Carol almost died last year and we wanted to go but thought it best to wait till next year. Next year... I looked at it and started crying. The really sick part of me wants to go! Can you believe that? Why would I want to go and learn about a disease that I have nothing to do with anymore? To walk around and see people that are going to die and the loved ones who are going to be in so much pain and loss. When we went before I got so much hope out of it. I looked around and for the first time felt I was not alone in the journey with Carol and her disease. Other's where going through it too. But now... i dont know.

Then I went to a 40th birthday party for a very good friend. I was already feeling like shit. When I got there it didn't get better. I remembered when Carol tired to through a surprise 40th birthday party for me. Someone let it out and Carol go so pissed. LOL!

Well that's enough for now.