The only time I've had a dream about Carol was a few days after she died. In my dream, I got up to walk down the hall way. She was standing there looking at me in a white nightgown. I looked at her and said "your not alive." She looked at me and started to cough up blood. She started to scream for air. I started to panic then realized I had the oxygen taken away. I desperately tried to tell her I thought she was dead and that they came and took the oxygen way and that I was sorry over and over. I woke up in a sweat. I went back to sleep and had another nightmare. Two in one night. The next day I said "I don't know how but I'm am done with that shit!" Until last night, I hadn't dreamed of her again that I could remember.
Last night, in my dream, we where in a car driving on the coast. Up ahead I saw a big wave crash over the road. We both went "wow". Then a wave hit our car and some how I came out of the car but she stayed in it. I ended up on a rock. The water was a dark milky color that made it so you couldn't see through it. I kept looking around and yelling Carol's name. Then I notice bubbles coming up from the water. I dove in and found the door handle and opened the door. I was holding my breath under water. I reached in and felt Carols hand grab my arm. I was shocked because she couldn't hold her breath longer than 5 seconds. Her seat belt was still on. As I tried to reach around and open it I felt her hand trying to do the same thing. Typical. Carol always insisted on doing everything herself. I kept trying to push her hand away so I could open the latch on the seat belt. But then I stopped. I realized that I was in a dream and that Carol was dead. Then I woke up.
I'm not into "what does all this mean" thing. I just wanted to write it down and share it with anyone who wants to read it.
Karma Is Trying to Help
10 years ago
2 comments:
Hi Kelly,
Unfortunately, grief doesn't let you miss a single second of it. You have to go through the whole thing single-handedly, with your only weapon being time. A good sense of humor doesn't hurt, either. I think you are finding some things which just seem ridiculous in your new situation, and I hope you just laugh to keep from crying at the whole thing.
Cousin Merle
These are amazing dreams -- Thank you for sharing them. It's always mystifying, isn't it, when you can pull yourself into reality/the present while dreaming? My mother-in-law had a recurring dream that she eventually guided herself through and "wrote the script" for over time ... I was astounded how she was able to turn something that was disturbing to her into a beautifully storied dream after months of creative and dedicated thinking.
Wishing you sweet dreams tonight,
Love, Kim
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