Thursday, June 28, 2007

www.grief.net

I wanted to share my email experience with the Grief Recovery Institute:

My Email

To Whom It May Concern:
My name is Kelly S. and I was confirmed to attend the Grief Recovery Workshop starting on the 22 July 2007. To be sure I arrived early I left my home at 5:30am to drive from Upland to the 405. This drive should take at minimum 2 hours. I was surprised that it only took me 45 minutes.
I then arrived at the location and parked across the street. I’m not sure how to continue saying what I’m about to say without upsetting you. But here it goes. I was expecting something different. I was not expecting a location that looks like a run down Traffic School. Having a Palm Reader next door was very disturbing. If it looked that bad on the out side I kept asking myself what it looked like on the inside. I kept thinking to myself over and over again that I would be trapped inside for the next three days.
My wife died suddenly and violently on the 15 of March while I was at work. I have made progress with this loss. I have even gotten to the point where I have moments where I’m ok. I didn’t sleep the night before the workshop. I was not doing well with spending the next three days going over the day she died, the 10 years we were married and what it is like today without her. When I saw your location I did not feel like it was a safe place to go inside and open myself up for the next three days about the pain of my loss.
I noticed when I got home that you did not have a street address on you website. You don’t have any pictures of the building or what the rooms look like inside. The pictures you do have I noticed seem to have been taken some time ago and do not reflect current workshops. Your link to testimonials does not contain any testimonials. If I had been aware of the visual location of this workshop I do not believe I would have given up almost $700. I spent the weekend in San Diego with a balcony view room of the Bay for less than $400. It is not that far of a reach for someone to think the facilities where you will be sharing intense grief would be one that is warm safe and inviting. Your location is none of these.
Although your return policy protects you from giving me a refund, I would ask that you consider doing so. I'm sure that many of your prospective attendees cancel for a variety of reasons thus the no refund policy. I do believe, though, that my reason is a valid reason. I showed up. I was willing and open-minded to his process. It just didn't look or feel like the place I saw on the website. It wasn't an inviting safe place for me to trust my grief to. If you won't consider a refund, perhaps you could point me in the direction to the place on the website that looked bright, new, clean, friendly, and warm.

And this is what they sent:

Dear Mr. S.,

We were dismayed, for many reasons, with the content of your note.

Frankly, yours is the very first comment we've ever received on the exterior of the building we rent. Over 700 people have attended Workshops at this location and no one has ever mentioned being put-off by the exterior. We’re sorry that your perception of the outside of the building dissuaded you from even coming in to see that it is quite pleasant within. And we must tell you that many people remark, with great humor, about the fact that there’s a psychic next door. Even grievers have a sense of humor and they’ll say, “Well if the Grief Recovery Workshop doesn’t work, we can go next door.” Of course we have no control over the other tenants on the street – all of whom happen to be delightful people.

In addition to the Personal Workshops here, we hold more than 50 Grief Recovery Training events each year at hotels throughout the country. Following these trainings, all participants fill out evaluation forms about the training facility, the program content, and the facilitator. Almost every one marks the content and the leadership at the highest level. But, a certain percentage of the attendees have negative comments about the locations from the points of view of comfort, cleanliness, convenience, noise, or unwelcoming hotel personnel. Of course we have no control over those opinions and they always vary from person to person.

The participants who come to our Woodman Avenue trainings never complain about our facility, as it is very clean and very well maintained. Even things like air-conditioning or heating, which we sometimes have no control over in hotels, here we can moderate instantly. Further, we put out a nice morning spread of bagels and sweet rolls and fruit, along with coffee and your choice of tea. In fact, we go out of our way to make sure that everyone is comfortable. And our staff here are warm and sensitive to the fact that those who come here are reeling in the aftermath of recent losses. We have a very respectful, caring environment here at the Institute and once again, it is unfortunate that you allowed your interpretation of the exterior of the building to prevent you from stepping inside.

In repsonse to your comments about not having our street address on our website – that is actually intentional. We get more than 2,000,000 hits a year on the very public site. We put our post-office address on the site since we are not a retail, walk-in facility. People come here to participate in Workshops or Trainings. In fact, it is partly because we have our events here in our seminar room that we leave our street address off the website, so we can maintain the peace and confidentiality of the events.

Regarding the testimonials: Thank you for pointing out that there are none under that heading on the website. There must have been a glitch at some time when we shifted some copy around and our webmaster overlooked reinserting the testimonials. We’ll repair that.

Regretfully we will not be refunding your tuition. However, should you wish to attend a future Personal Workshop, we will transfer your payment and waive the transfer fees as a courtesy.

Sincerely yours,
Office Manager
The Grief Recovery Institute


Thoughts:

Friday, June 22, 2007

Carol Died Camp


No Show at Carol Died Camp. Call me names, wuss, coward, crazy, whatever. But when I pulled up and looked at where I would be spending the next three days I had this overwhelming feeling of "No F'n Way!" I don't know what I was expecting but I think it was going to be in a nicer place than this. Between spilling my guts out about the loss of my wife, I can go next door and have my palm's read! Or for quick service I can send a letter via a messenger service which are located on either side!

Is there something wrong with me? Am I stuck up? I just had this vision of shitty chairs and tables with a bad smell in the room. I kept thinking over and over again, "8:30am to 5:30pm for the next three days..." If it was a nicer place that made me feel safe and comfortable then maybe.

I'm sorry everyone, really I am.




Thursday, June 21, 2007

Balcony View of the Bay

San Diego Sucked! There I got it out. I think that’s going to happen a lot and I should just start getting used to it. I attended and event that was very poorly run and organized. They basically made you feel like you owed it to them to given them your money.

San Diego Rocked! There, I said it. I think I should be grateful for moments like this that come along. I got to see some old friends and spend some quality time with them. I got to meet some new friends that I plan on seeing in a few weeks. I'm so grateful I took a friend with me this time. We spent quite a bit of time just hanging out on the balcony over looking San Diego Bay. The weather was perfect. We would just sit and relax or talk.

Isn’t grief wonderful?

Tomorrow I attend a Grief Recovery Workshop in Sherman Oaks. I signed up during my period of depression. I was desperate to try anything. I’m feeling better now and thought about canceling. Wouldn’t you know it they have a very hard core cancellation policy. I guess when you’re in the business to work with people in grief, you learn to cover your ass. I talked to my counselor here at work about dropping it and he said quite strongly, “No.” So I’ll take direction and stay the course. It starts tomorrow at 8:30am. I get to drive through LA Traffic Hell. I plan on leaving around 5ish and get there early. Sat and Sun I’ll take the bike as traffic should be better.

There you have it. I’m still here and taking it one day at a time.

Friday, June 15, 2007

90 + 1

I wanted to post yesterday but ended up having a bad day. See, yesterday was 90 days ago Carol died while I was at work. The day before was hard. I was supposed to go to a meeting Wednesday night. But it was the same meeting I was at 90 days ago. I kept having flash backs of being there late, going home, and getting ready for bed. Carol and I did not have much time to talk. That would be the last time I got to talk to her.

Yesterday was very hard. I went to work and after about 20 minutes I felt a wave of grief hit me. I started to think I wasn't going to make through 9 hours of work. So I posted an email that I was going to be out for the day. I went out to my car and sat there crying for about 5 min before I could drive away. I came home and kept myself busy cleaning. Every time I would stop or rest I would start crying. A friend came over and spent some time talking. After awhile I felt better and got through the rest of the day.

I thought I was past this. I hadn't felt the pain like this in a long time and thought I was through it. But I guess not. I'm fine today. I'm going to stay in San Diego for the weekend and see some old friends. I have a room overlooking the San Diego Bay. I'm looking forward to sitting there and just taking a few minutes to relax. I'm taking a friend with me. It's a shame really. My friend happens to be a female. I have become friends with her because she seems to be the one that I can openly share my feelings and thoughts with. I look at my male friends and I don't see the open genuine empathy in their character. So I have grown close to her and not in a "relationship" way but as a friend. Some of our friends have given her a hard time have had said some very nasty things behind her back about our friendship. Going to San Diego has made it even worse. I get through it by telling myself that what other people think about me and my friend is none of my business. It helps a little.

Yesterday I talked to my son for the first time in almost 10 years. It was a good conversation that was kind of awkward at first but began to loosen up towards the end. I will be going up to Washington State at the end of the month to visit with him and his mother. After talking with him, I'm looking forward to it.

That's all for now, sorry for the late post.

Saturday, June 9, 2007

MAINT REQD

I have this yellow glowing message on my dashboard on the Prius. "MAINT REQD" is what it says. What is means is that I need to take it in to have it serviced. It's a nice way to say "Hey dumb ass, time to change your oil." The dilemma is how do I find the time? I just started work again and spend about 10 hours a day at work. I could call and get a day for them to do service. I would arrange to drop it off after work. The next day I would ride the bike. Then pick it up after work. The problem is who would pick me up and take me home and then back to the dealers again? Carol used to take of this for me. She used to take care of a lot of things for me.

One of Carol's friends is coming over today. They want a bookcase that hey loaned us some time ago. She also said something about "other" stuff. So I'm not sure what to expect when they show up. Do I let them walk around pointing at things and say "that was mine" and take it? Do I really care? Yes I do but she was a very close and dear friend of Carols and I like her and her husband too. I'm just sharing.

I made the mistake of opening up Carol's closet the other day to show a friend. Wham! Right in the gut! Pow! And I'm down for the count! Guess I'm not ready for that yet. On Thursday I got a registration form for the CFRI conference in Aug. Carol and I went two years ago. We liked it and had registered to go last year. But Carol almost died last year and we wanted to go but thought it best to wait till next year. Next year... I looked at it and started crying. The really sick part of me wants to go! Can you believe that? Why would I want to go and learn about a disease that I have nothing to do with anymore? To walk around and see people that are going to die and the loved ones who are going to be in so much pain and loss. When we went before I got so much hope out of it. I looked around and for the first time felt I was not alone in the journey with Carol and her disease. Other's where going through it too. But now... i dont know.

Then I went to a 40th birthday party for a very good friend. I was already feeling like shit. When I got there it didn't get better. I remembered when Carol tired to through a surprise 40th birthday party for me. Someone let it out and Carol go so pissed. LOL!

Well that's enough for now.

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Dinner for One

The young lady must be no older than 25, dark long hair. She is wearing a white collared shirt with black slacks. On her shirt is a bright gold name tag with “Shelley” etched across it. With a big bright smile that I’m sure she had to practice over and over she says, “Dinner for One?”

That’s the way it is now. Life for One. Now don’t get me wrong here, this is not a pity-pot post. I’m just expressing the reality of what I see and feel now that it’s 81 days later. I know it’s 81 days because we have a sign here at work. “Number of days since last accident” Seems that the day Carol died someone got hurt here at work. So every day I see the counter, “Number of days since Carol died”.

Sorry about that, back to dinner. Carol and I used to eat out a lot. Towards the end she was always tired and not feeling well. So we would go out. Now that I’m alone, I go out. Not a lot but at lest once or twice a week. It’s an odd feeling sitting alone and eating dinner. Not in a morbid way but in a very slight sad way. I need to eat and the food is ok to good. I look around and watch the other people sitting together and talking. I think about the times Carol and I would sit and talk.

I have started to dream about Carol again. Almost every night now. She is always sick and weak in my dreams. They seem to always center on me taking care of her. It doesn’t bother me anymore. Someone said that maybe soon I’ll have a dream about her being healthy. I’d like that.

I did ok at work last week and again this week so far. Seems I’m smart again. The people here at work have been wonderful and patient. I have been able to slip right back into my function and work as if I had never been gone. The stuff in my head opens up and I can figure things out again. I like that.