Grief and the Holidays

I was following the blog of a woman who recently died. I go back occasionally to see how the husband is doing. I think of him often. I don't have children so I imagine it is different for him having children. I was reading comments left by others and some of them are asking for updates on how he and the family are doing and that they wish them a happy holiday. I wanted to leave a comment but was afraid I'd get told off. So I'd thought I'd use my own blog to share what I think.

I think it f'n sucks! There is nothing happy about the holidays just after the death of the woman you love. Your soul has this painful gaping whole in it and a wind -40 degrees is blowing through it leaving pin stabbing pains. Your chest is tight and you can't eat. Every where you look reminds you of what you don't have in your life anymore, joy. So if the holidays are not joyful or happy I give you permission to privately boycott them for this year. It's ok not to participate.

I have no experience on what to say when it comes to the children. I'll leave that to others who know what they are talking about. I'm sure there are ways to minimize the pain and still allow them to participate in the holiday if they feel they want to. Perhaps it could be just simply going to church on the 25th and celebrating the birth of a religious icon of your beliefs. It doesn't have to be about decorating or gifts or joy. Simply expressing gratitude to the spiritual person and the sacrifice that person gave for the purpose of that day.

So to you, brother, I say feel what you need to feel. Express what you need to express. endure what you need to endure. All I can do is give you a little hope that it is better for me this year than last and that it will be the same for you next year.

Kel