I decided to take another trip to Vegas. I always wanted to stay at the Bellagio because it has the lake and fountain that plays to music. The idea of getting a room with a view of that sounded really cool. While getting the reservation I took a look at the spa packages and decided to go ahead and pay for one and see how it goes. Usually when I do this I always get screwed. When I checked in at the front desk I noticed they had me staying in the Spa Tower. While making my reservation, I got a room with a “partial” view. To me this meant if you look really hard around the corner you can see the edge to of the lake. I was shocked when I walk into my room and saw the view. I was so happy I had to take pictures and send it to everyone!
As I have already said in other posts, I like to play craps. I had been spending time trying to learn a particular disciplined approach to playing craps and was egger to try it. The only problem was I was set up to play the “right” better. Meaning I was set up to bet with the shooter. All weekend the tables were very cold. If I had been ready to be a “wrong” better, I would have done very well.
Saturday at 1pm I checked into my spa deal. I was nervous and unsure what I was getting myself into. The package I got started with some kind of water massage. It was going to be like an hour to and hour and a half long. The lady came and got me and took me into a room that had a small pool in the center. The lights were dim and soft music. I got in the water and she put floats on my knees to help me float in the water. During the massage she supported my head to keep my mouth above water. The experience was overwhelming. I closed my eyes and just let myself go. Soon it became obvious to me that I could really let a lot of grief go here. I surrendered and started to cry. Not like over the top boo hoo cry but just a constant flow of tears. I allowed my self to imagine the most horrible things about how Carol suffered, her pain, I even imagined what her last moments must have been like and what she might have said knowing she was going to die. Then something strange happened, the bad memories started to become less and less. Out of no where I started to have memories of Carol that were good ones. I started to smile and laugh. For the first time since she died, I felt happy when I thought about her.
My next thing was a body polish. I won’t talk about that….
Then I had lunch. While taking me to the meditation room for lunch I passed a sign that said “Reserved for Private Party”. I walked in and my lunch was waiting. I couldn’t believe it, I had the whole meditation room to myself with lunch for a whole hour!
Next was a hands, feet and scalp massage. The guy started talking and I told him I had never done anything like this before. He asked me how it was so far. My replay was, “It is better than putting a gun to my head.” I then began to share about my last year and that I had been hopping that this year would be better but it hasn’t been. This was an attempt to try something to help me.
Sunday came and the craps tables where still rolling cold and I decided to come home. I’m feeling better today. Not great but not like I was. I guess it comes down to taking each day as they come.
