Carol died in March of 2007. That holiday season was very hard. Carol loved Christmas and the holidays. She had a ton of decorations that are all in boxes over the garage. Each year I would take them down and she would pack stuff up around the house and put holiday stuff in it's place. Then afterwards, she would put it all back away and I would heave it back up in the rafters.
The year Carol died I couldn't bring myself to decorate. For one, I had no idea how to do it. She always did it. Her family always has a gathering on Christmas eve. It has been a long standing tradition for a very long time. I knew that I would be encouraged to attend. I didn't know if I would till a few hours before it was time to go. I ended up going and it was very difficult.
The next year I decided to go to vegas. I kinda liked it actually. There are very few people there during Christmas and the rates are very good. I almost thought about making this my new tradition but missed seeing everyone.
This year I felt ready to bring everything down from the rafters. I had shared with some friends that I was going to decorate this year and every time I saw them they would ask, "did you do it yet?" I finally got it all down and started going through everything. My god did she have a lot @#$%! OMG! I have no idea what half of it is supposed to be used for! So I gave up and just put up the tree. Carol liked the tree most of all.
The tree came up and I hung the ornaments all by my self. I had never done that before. It was kinda fun. Then I got all excited about wrapping presents. Before I knew it, the tree was full of presents.
The morning of Christmas came and within a few hours, the front room looked like a Christmas bomb had gone off! Through all of it I never felt sad.
So it is time to move on. Time to let go. Time to heal.
Good bye.
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