I’m currently in
I had a great time last weekend with a bunch of friends. Got to see some old friends I haven’t seen in awhile and hang out with current ones.
My mental, emotional and physical health has been good. I haven’t worked out in toooooo long. Not sure why I stopped but I know when I do it is very hard to start back up again. Might be why the depression is starting to seep in again.
I had a nightmare or bad dream the other night. It had Carol in it. In the dream it seems that Carol didn’t die and a friend of hers took her away for her to get better. In the dream I discover that she is still alive and became very angry at her friend for lying to me and keeping her to herself. When I came face to face with Carol she was mad at me and didn’t want anything to do with me. She said I let the house get too dirty and is upset with how I’ve started to live my life. In the dream I was devastated and crushed. I kept pleading with her over and over. I woke up crying. It was awful.
Lately I have been thinking of her a lot. The dream made me think about my life and how I’m living it. Am I the type of man today that Carol would be attracted to or want to be with? I don’t know. I’m trying to move on and find the will to continue living. Being alone is not fun and trying to make someone fit is not turning out good.
That’s all for now.
Oh, and I cut my hair!
4 comments:
Dreams are such a strange phenomena, it's nice to wake up and know 'it was only a dream'. I'm glad you are doing well with work and staying busy.
I hope you had a nice Thanksgiving.
Barb
Hi Kelly,
Glad about the haircut part. I'll bet it looks great.
Work sounds very busy and interesting, and I think, just what you need.
Still a bit too soon to let Carol go from your everyday life, so she stays on to comfort you. Nothing wrong with that at all.
Cousin Merle
Kelly I wish it didn't hurt so much. Carol obviously was a very special person. And it is understandable that you're not ready. Nothing can take the place of Carol and nothing has to. She was and will always be an important part of your life. Don't beat yourself up so badly and know you are loved.
Bruddha...Patience! Good thingsa comma two thos whose wate. Not need to hurry
Spawnie
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