Dreams Part 4

I’m currently in Lompoc working everyday through the 6^th. I like the work, very busy plus I get to crawl in, out and around missile silos. Cool! I had Thanksgiving off but am working today and this weekend. I like that, keeping busy is good.

I had a great time last weekend with a bunch of friends. Got to see some old friends I haven’t seen in awhile and hang out with current ones.

My mental, emotional and physical health has been good. I haven’t worked out in toooooo long. Not sure why I stopped but I know when I do it is very hard to start back up again. Might be why the depression is starting to seep in again.

I had a nightmare or bad dream the other night. It had Carol in it. In the dream it seems that Carol didn’t die and a friend of hers took her away for her to get better. In the dream I discover that she is still alive and became very angry at her friend for lying to me and keeping her to herself. When I came face to face with Carol she was mad at me and didn’t want anything to do with me. She said I let the house get too dirty and is upset with how I’ve started to live my life. In the dream I was devastated and crushed. I kept pleading with her over and over. I woke up crying. It was awful.

Lately I have been thinking of her a lot. The dream made me think about my life and how I’m living it. Am I the type of man today that Carol would be attracted to or want to be with? I don’t know. I’m trying to move on and find the will to continue living. Being alone is not fun and trying to make someone fit is not turning out good.

That’s all for now.

Oh, and I cut my hair!

Myspace

I did it. I created a Myspace account and put a few things up. So, if your into that sort of thing there it is. WARNING: It is going to contain a lot of satirical content and dry humor. This blog will stay as a journal tool to communicate my recovery from grief. Myspace will be a place to simply communicate and express whatever is on my mind. The link to Myspace is to the right of the page where I put the "Follow Blogs" tool.

Take care,

Kel