4 Years.
The War Still Goes On...
4 Years.
It has been 4 years since the horrible tragic day. 11:25am I got a call from my old boss saying the Upland PD is trying to reach me, Carol had been taken to the hospital. 1.5 hours later I would be placing my lips on the forehead of her lifeless body for the last time in a dimly lit room located in the far corner of the ER. It took an hour for them to clean the blood from her body to prevent my last image of her being more tragic that it was.
4 Years.
I'm sitting on a balcony in Waikiki with a view of the beach and the sun is setting. I have a good job, a great boss, a great team of people I work with. I have good health. I have great friends. But underneath, the war still goes on.
4 Years.
A war is underway. A war similar to the trench warfare of WWI. A stalemate exists between the to sides. Neither can take the advantage. Between each side is a body of real estate that is called No Man's Land. In the bottom of a bomb crater is my home. This is where I live. In shock, I cower and shiver in fear. I can not advance nor retreat.
4 Years
On one side is the part of me that fights to hang on to her memory. To remember each and every day what I had, what we had. On the other side is the part of me that is desperate to let go and move on with my life. As I try to let go and move on the side that wants to hang on sends out a huge artillery barrage paralyzing the advance in it place. As I sit alone each day thinking of her, dreaming of her, the other sides blows a whistle and a sea of men come up over the edge and charge the line only to be cut down in a wind of lead bullets from automatic gun fire.
4 Years.
When will it end? How will it end? Will it be a dramatic ending with a final act of courage? Or a simple transition the way day turns into night? Will I find peace? Will I be able to love again?
4 Years.
...The War Still Goes On
