29 Days

It's been 29 days since Darcy and the gang moved in. I'm still happy with the decision and so are they. The mood and atmosphere of the house is different now that there are people living in it. I've cooked twice on the barbecue. that is more times than I have in three years...

There are still residual stuff around the house of Carol's disease. In the bathroom on a low shelf way in the back was about 500 insulin needles. You would think that you could take them to a pharmacy to be donated but no you can't. I ended up taking them to the fire department and having them destroyed as bio waist. Shame. Believe it or not, I still had not transferred any of the utilities into my name. I had no need to do so before and it was all set up to auto pay when due. So I never really took any effort to transfer the name into mine. I finally had to do it though. The last thing to do is the checking account.

Darcy and the kids seem to becoming more comfortable in the house. They also seem to be very respectful of the house and helping me take care of it. I like that.

I keep looking at this blog and wondering what to do. I look at who has been coming to read it and am amazed at the fact that new and old people seem to come here almost every day. Not in larger numbers but ones or twos here and there. I feel guilty that I don't or haven't written anything. It must be disappointing to come visit ever day and see nothing. However, healing from grief requires letting go to some degree. I can see now how easy it is to hang on to grief. It feels like standing on the edge of a diving board with my toes on the board and my heals over the edge. It would be just too easy to fall back into the depression, sadness and emptiness of the loss of Carol. The only way to keep her alive in my mind is through the memory of the pain of her loss. To let go of the pain seems to be letting go of her. To let go of her is the fear I'll forget her. I know this sound dumb; how could I ever forget her. I don't want to live that way though. I don't want to be sad and alone for the rest of my life despite the part of me that wants to do that.

It's been 29 days.
It's been 29 happy days.

Kel