New Things to Look At

Hi everyone! I was looking around and noticed some new cool features for blogger. I found that someone is a "Follower" of my blog. I was able to look around and found a widget that will let people follow my blog when I add something new to it. So I added it and will try it out for awhile. Let me know what you think.

What's been up with me? A lot. I wish I could blog about it but I can't. I try and think of ways to write and share but I can't. I can say I'm living life as much as I can. I almost got hit and killed in an intersection the other day. I didn't have my cell phone and it made me think about dying and who would know I was in a hospital dying. How long would it take for them to contact someone and who would they contact?

I have a roommate again. Did I share that yet? I don't think so. This time I went with a Female instead of a male. I know the pervs out there are rolling their eyes and crossing their arms and giving me that dirty look. But it's not like that. I actually feel very comfortable with a woman as a roommate. I guess because I lived with a woman for over 10 years that I feel better around a woman than a man.

Last night I had another dream about Carol. I have been having a lot of them lately.

That's all for now....

Kel

A Favor for My Five

I have a favor to ask all five of you who read my blog. Some of you might remember Carol was active in CFRI and other activities for Cystic Fibrosis. Someone has asked that I put up a request for friends of Carols to help them out. The primary purpose of my blog is to help me heal from the tragic death and loss of my wife, lover and best friend. I don't want to confuse people with trying to inject other content. Is this a personal story blog or a support for CF?

I will make an exception here. All that is being requested of me is to ask all Five of you to take some time and read a few stories and vote. No requests for money or volunteer time except the time you donate to read the stories.

Please follow this link if you wish to help out. www.solvaycaresscholarship.com

Kel

Single Again

On Monday I had to step up and make the call to someone whom I've been dating to tell her I think it best if we don't see each other as a couple. For privacy reasons I won't go into details. We are still friends and harbor no ill feelings. Sometimes two people know when it's the end of page in a chapter. There is nothing wrong with ending it and turning the page to start a new one.

I don't know why I continue to get into relationships when I know, for now, I'm happy being single. I travel a lot and plan to travel more next year. This puts a burden on two people who are starting out in a relationship. I'm not ready to do the work I need to do to make it successful. Sound selfish and cruel? I hope not.

Kel

Relitivity

Some things are just relative. If someone makes 40k a year, buying a car and having a $600 dollar a month payment is not unreasonable. If someone makes 80k a year would a $1200 a month payment be unreasonable? I have friends that spend $1200 a month on child care. If someone is single and has no children to take care of, why would it be bad to spend that on something that is a lot of fun and brings a since of enjoyment? I guess to some people this would seem out of line and too far over the edge of what is appropriate. I think it's all just relative to the person and situation.

F-Bombs

I sometimes wonder if I should edit or delete posts after I've made them. I think I've only done that once or twice and only because it involved the privacy on someone else. For me though, I've continued to put myself out there. Raw and unedited. It my be offensive, abrasive, or frustrating to some of my 5. I apologize. I try to think about someone else reading this who has suffered a loss. They might find them self without warning suddenly feeling something. It is kinda cool that they may read this and go, "Oh hell yes! I know exactly what he means." Then they don't feel so all alone with grief.

also I kinda like dropping the F-Bomb once in a while.....

Oh, and BTW, feeling much better today.

18 months

it's been 18 months. fuck i hate this shit

oops.....

Sorry about that.

We came back from Vegas on Monday then I left for Huntsville, AL on Tue. I'm still out here. I really really like the work. I'm getting to do some things I've always wanted to do. It is kinda simple and repetitious but I still like it. We have ran into an issue here and there so I'm still here.

How was the weekend? Well, I played craps twice and won about $300. That is very good as I played for about 6 hours each time and would start with $300. That means I walked away each time with about $150. I like that. Not real big time money but money just the same right?

I really enjoyed my time with my new "friend". I would love to talk about everything, what I think how I feel problems challenges etc etc. But I think it best not to out of respect for her and her privacy. We know some of the same people and at lest 2 out of the five people who read this would know who I'm talking about.

I've had dreams of Carol again. I've been real sad when I think about her and how much I miss her. I'm doing my best to heal and move on. Giving time time. It is almost 18months. Imagine that, a year and a half. Is it bad to be selfish and think of myself during the last 18months and look back at where I've come? What about all the other people who was an active member in Carol's life? How are they doing? What about her sister? I emailed her once and she sent a very short reply back and I've never heard from her again. How is she doing? Carol was the last member of her immediate family. What about Carols friends? So many would call and talk to her about the problems they were having. Who do they call now? Do they sit at night and think about how much they miss her?

Kel