Sad Goodbye Amsterdam

Here are just a few of the friends I made in Amsterdam. The buff guy sitting next to me is/was from my home town, Portland OR. We even knew some of the same people from a long time ago. I'm so grateful I took the time to take a short break and stay here. Some people know Amsterdam by rumors and Urban Legends. I can say from personal experience that I saw a few but I will leave Amsterdam with a sad goodbye. For me, Amsterdam made my life richer. Thank you to everyone who took the time and hang out with me.

and remember.... I was never 'really' there.... (sorry, inside joke)

Kel

Fundamental Transformation

I was reading a book once and it was talking about people going through dark times in their lives. It listed all the things I was feeling and going through. At the end it said that was called a "Fundamental Transformation". I remember being pissed at that. What the F does that mean? It's like they outline all these things and then when they don't know what to say it means they just throw something out that sounds kinda cool. What dose it really mean? At the time I gave up on it and went on with life.

I haven't been blogging much about my grief. I've been all into my European Journey and detailing my travels. Although I haven't wrote about it I have been thinking a lot about Carol. I have shared my loss with others I've meet along the way and am surprised I still find myself chocked up and cry at times. Under the surface it is still there, perhaps it will always be there.

I am different though today. I do feel like some fundamental part of me as a person has and is transforming into to a new person. I am accepting the person I am becoming and not resisting the change or trying to hang onto the memory of Carol. I'm not trying to force it to happen either. I can just sort of "feel" it happening. Like I don't really need to do anything but sit and watch the transformation. What I mean by "not do anything" is that I don't have to consciously try and work my way through the healing process. I still have to live and go through my daily life.

There are things I want today. There are relationships I want to have today. There are new friends I want to meet today. There are new places I want to see and enjoy today.

I am half way through my trip. I'm in Amsterdam. I went out for coffee with a bunch of people I just met. Wonderful fun people. We all laughed and joked and would talk all serious. I plan on hanging out with them tonight and tomorrow night. I'm looking forward to finding out who I will meet in Paris.

That's all for now. I hope everyone enjoys their weekend.

Kel

Next Stop Amsterdam

I'm off to Amsterdam tomorrow for two days. Then I leave for Paris Monday morning. I looked around and found a room 1.5 North of Paris for 10 days for $1600. That's not bad is it? I have a nice room with my own bathroom and high-speed internet at no extra cost.

I figured that I wanted to spend a significant amount of time at one place. It seems just as I get to know my way around I'm off to the next place. I thought it would be nice to stay in one place long enough to know my way around. I think Paris would be a good place for that. I might be able to take day trips around France and have a place to come back to at night. I might be able to take a day trip to Normandy and see things there. I would really like to see the D-Day landing areas.

Kel

Berlin PostOffice Does NOT take Credit Cards!

My last day in Berlin. I thought I'd come down to Starbucks and catch up on my blogs. Up until today, I have been not carrying anything around. I wear a plane tee shirt which helps me blend in. Today though, I took my backpack and immediately got hit up by Gypsies and other predators. I'm sure I've been cursed or something now.

I found a store with old Photographs of Berlin and Germany. Not real real old, only like from the early 50s. I saw one and fell in love with it. But it's $300. Is that too much?
See, there are other activities in Berlin that a perfectly legal here but not in the US. You would think that a single healthy middle aged male would be obliged to partake in activities. As they say, "when in Rome..." Call me what ever you want but I keep thinking of the things I could buy that would be something that could come back with me and be a part of my life for the rest of my life. For $300 I can bring a piece of Berlin back with me and put on my wall and talk about the things I saw and the people I met. Or I can get a 30min E-Ticket ride that is not for general conversations....

I think I'll get the picture.

So I got the picture... and found the Post-Office and after four tips through the line found out (after everything was stamped labeled etc etc...) that they don't take credit cards! I was so lucky I had just enough Euros to pay for it.

Take care all, next stop Amsterdam

Kel

Berlin

Well let me just start off by saying Berlin and I didn't get along at first. We had a bit of a bumpy road.

WARNING: Strong Adult Language to follow!

It's FUCKING HOT!!!!

OMG! It is so frigin hot here. I checked into my room and it's like Africa Hot. I look for the air conditioning... HA! NOT! I have a room that faces West. I have a window I could open but no air comes in. I am literally sweating in my room standing still. The second fan I got worked. But there are no plugs around the bed. So I had to plug it in by the main door and stretch it out to the bed. For some reason the bathroom is higher than the regular floor. My toes found that out in the middle of the night. Ouch!

Laundry. You would think it would be easy to ask where a laundry-mat is right? No. The girl was mystified at the request and tried looking for one on the Internet. After about 15min I asked, "Where does everyone smoke Crack?" She looked horrified! I said I bet where everyone smokes crack is a laundry mat because no one who smokes it can own a washer and dryer. She didn't think that was funny.... I did.

I found one the next day, next to an adult book store!

I ended my day with clean clothes and a nice walk around Berlin.

Kel

Lisbon 2

I apologize for the absence in my blog entries. I've been good about posting pics everyday but haven't sat down to write about my journey. I will start with Lisbon again. Specifically, two wonderful people I met there. Meguel and Jacqueline. I enjoyed hanging out with them and talking about many things. Although she is British, she has dual citizenship with Portugal. She can speak both languages easily. They both were examples of the wonderment and beauty of the Portugal people and the life there. I am in Berlin now and the contrast is amazing. To be fair though, Berlin is a multicultural city.

No one knows the future or what will happen. I'm not say that I can read the future and can predict things. No. While spending time with both of these people I was reminded of something. The way they communicated with each other. The way they communicated with others when one was not around reminded me of something. Something that I lost. When I was with both of them I was reminded of my own marriage and Carol. There are no guarantees in the world so all I can do is wish they get to live together a long time.

Thank you, thank you for your generosity and your friendship.

Kel

Lisbon

I am totally OSD when it comes to getting to airports early. I have know idea why but I must arrive early. It seems I over did it when I flew to Lisbon from London. Because I was flying on an airline I have never flown on I was a bit nervous about how it would all work. I ended up at Gatwick 6 hours early...oops. So I got to know Gatwick quite well. The flight was just like Southwest used to be. Everyone line up and like cattle, rush the gate! I was lucky and got a window seat. They charge for everything, I mean everything. No free drinks or coffee.When we arrived I couldn't stop smiling. Finally a a country I haven't been to before. I was so excited. Like a dumbass I burned up all my battery power playing Texas Hold'm. When I got here the name and address of the hotel was on my computer. So I had to guess at the name. I told the person I asked that it started with the letter B. That seem to not be enough.... So as luck would have it I ended up at a hotel starting with the letter B two blocks from another hotel starting with the letter B that was the right one! My room is great. I have a hard line internet access but it still cost $20 a day. A friend in England told me to stop complaining about how much everything is and just get over it. That is so hard to do though. I just sent my clothes to laundry and the cost to do my shirts is half of what the cost of the shirt itself is... ahhhh....

Speaking of my friend in London, I am happy to say that my tan has helped me blend in quite well here. I don't stand out from the crowd as I did in England. I don't think that will be the same when I travel to Berlin on Monday. But I'm working very hard at staying inside during the day and going out only at night.

The city is beautiful. The language is easy to read but impossible to understand. A lady told me her name and it sounded like she said fart in it somewhere and I was "not" going to repeat it!

Sorry for the short post. It is Sunday now and I'm going back to be with some friends I've meet here. Not many pictures here, again sorry. I'll do better in Germany.
Kel